Yikes!

Well, it happened.  I woke up around 4 or 4:30 this morning because I had to go to the bathroom, and I started thinking about my job search, which I've barely begun, and about stuff I have to do for my thesis.  And I started feeling terrified.  There was no hope of going back to sleep, so I started planning things I had to do and doing other bits of work.  I feel better now, though still scared.

I wonder if it was just a small-hours-of-the-morning thing (or Hour of the Wolf thing, for you B5 fans), or if this is something that's going to go on for a while.  The truth is, if I don't want to get in trouble, I really need to buckle down on the job search and thesis stuff.  At least I know that I can get through this.

But, as I said, I'm scared.  I want to call someone but it's too early for that.  Nor can I go see Martine, for the same reason.  I'm shaking and in a bit of a cold sweat.

What I hope is that I'll be scared enough to be motivated to work but not so scared that I can't eat or sleep.  Speaking of that, my head is swimming and I've calmed down a little.  Maybe I should try and go back to bed for a while.  I know this freak-out thing doesn't really help me, but I can't help it.  That parallel construction would be funny if I were in a better mood.

Sunday Stuff

Aside from the effects of getting too little sleep last night, I've had a fairly good day.  I finished a paper, did some work on sources for my thesis, wrote interview consent forms (also for the thesis), and read some class stuff.  So I got a lot done.

Today I wore my blue skirt with frills and the blue stockings I recently got, pointing out said stockings to everyone at High Table.  This time High Table was in the evening rather than the morning, because some High Table alumni came by for dinner.  There really wasn't anything good to eat at that dinner, so I just had a hard-boiled egg and some celery.  At least they had the Sunday Sundae bar.

It turns out I missed the Senior Cocktails Pumpkin Carving Party I wanted to go to.  It was last night, not tonight.  Tonight was Lantern Night, a ceremony in which the freshwomen and volunteers from other classes dress up in black robes and sing in the Cloisters (yes, we have cloisters, just like at a monastery).  The non-frosh carry their colored class lanterns, and the frosh recieve theirs for the first time.  The colors change on a four-year cycle.  My class lantern color is red, which makes me happy because I really like that color.  Anyway, I wasn't in at Lantern Night this time, because I didn't volunteer or buy tickets.  There was a Step Sing afterwards (seniors sit on the Senior Steps outside the buildings and lead everyone else in various songs), but I decided not to go.  It was too cold and I'm tired.

I think I shall work on my fanfic a bit, read more of An Assembly Such As This, and then go to bed.  I'm going to have a busy day tomorrow.