(no subject)

[miss_yt]

A friend and I had just taken the train back from Bryn Mawr and were walking through Market East station when we saw this young woman - "girl," probably, I think she was a teenager - with a rucksack on her back and a stuffed animal. She slid down against a pillar and sat there crying. We both noticed her but passed by and walked out into the mall. Then we stopped and reconsidered, wondering if we should go back and ask if we could help. But we saw some other guy talking to her, so we left.

On my walk home I wondered if I'd have gone to help the crying girl had I been with someone different, or on my own. And I had these stupid fantasies about actually going up to her and helping her find whoever or whatever she needed to get sorted out. It was stupid and childish of me.

Worst of all, I have always though that people can essentially make their own choices, overcome fear or social conditioning or whatever to do the right thing. I thought that should the situation arise, I would be the one to offer help when other people didn't. And when the time actually came, I didn't do anything.

I have definitively proven to myself that I am full of shit. Just like everyone else.

Comments

[desdenova.livejournal.com]

It's called bystander effect. It is insidious, but it can certainly be overcome. Next time you are in a situation like this, remember this time, and help the lost kid.

[miss-yt.livejournal.com]

Thanks for trying, but I knew about the bystander effect - and it got me anyway.

Even worse, I realized that yesterday (Sept. 10th) was the first anniversary of the day I found and adopted my cat Roo, who was in much the same situation (lost and crying). And since I did that, it made my life a little brighter. I can't help feeling that I missed a great opportunity by not showing the same kindness yesterday.

[nightengalesknd.livejournal.com]

And I keep thinking - what could we realistically have done?

Most of the scenarios I can envision with teenaged girls in train stations who are in real trouble rather than just sad involve bringing the transit authorities into it. If she would have let us. And possibly the police into it. Ditto. And the SEPTA transit authorities were right there in the station. Runaway was actually my first thought, and I know the shelter where they take runaway kids for intake while things get sorted and I know the inpatient unit where kids with psychiatric histories who run away can end up. The police can do things to set that in motion. At work, I can talk to people who can do things. Here, what could I really have done? And should I have?

I saw a couple of cars last month right after the one had crashed into the other, and I did go over to see if there was anything I could do. I could have called 911, but one of the drivers already was. I did tell him the exact address to tell 911, since I knew exactly where I was waiting for the bus and he was just driving through. I could have done CPR, but everyone was still breathing. One woman looked hurt but was breathing and talking and moving, and she was still in the car, anything I might have tried was more likely to do harm than good. So I stood around in case anyone stopped breathing and within a couple of minutes some paramedics came and did all sorts of things they have the training and equipment to do, at which point I went back to waiting for my bus.

I spend my days trying to fix things for people and I go home at night trying still to do the right thing. But I'm really not convinced the right thing here as, well, yes, as a bystander, was to go over to her and get involved. Not because I don't want to get involved, but because I don't see what my involvement could realistically have offered.