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What may be a mad experiment...
Oct. 31st, 2005 08:24 pmAfter contemplating my change in circumstances and having discussions with certain friends of mine, I've decided to try something that may unnerve or upset certain people, may amuse others, and is very difficult for me personally. And it could also be risky.
I've decided to try going a week without the medication I take for my ADD. Or combined ADD/ADHD - one of those, because the designation for what I've got has changed. I was diagnosed with ADD shortly after it was discovered or acknowledged or whatever and a few years before it became the "in" thing it seems to be now. I went through lots of tests and visits to psychiatrists. So, yes, I do have a problem that's more than hype, and I've had to live with it for most of my life.
Understand that I have considered this carefully. More than that, I've been taking some kind of medication or other for the past decade and a half, and while at one time it was difficult to remember to take it, now it has become part of my daily routine. Absent-minded as I am, I almost never forget it. Even when I was taking generic Ritalin or Aderall, both of which gave me headaches and nausea and also made me feel lethargic and disconnected, I knew I had to take my medicine because it would help me get through the day and do what I needed to get done. Pressure from my parents was a big part of it too. My parents could tell when I hadn't taken my medicine, because I behaved differently - further indication, to me, that I needed to take it.
But now I'm wondering if I need it anymore. An adult diagnosed with ADD does need medication, but I've known about my ADD for a very long time and have developed strategies for coping with it. I have managed to make friends, perform well academically, get and hold down a job (admittedly it's only been a few months, but I consider it quite an accomplishment), and keep my house in order. And it wasn't my meds doing that for me, it was me. That's something I never really thought about before.
I think my medicine has become more of a habit and a security blanket than anything else. Now that I will have to pay for it myself (well, I have medical insurance, but I still have to pay for part of it), and now that I can really decide whether or not to take it, I am re-evaluating the issue of whether I need it or not. And, really, I'm beggining to think that I don't. I didn't take it on Sunday or today (on Monday), and I have had no more problems concentrating at work or paying attention to everything else than I usually do. And, strangely, I feel more energetic and motivated to do stuff than I did when I was taking the medicine. I felt like I had to get this or that done now, no excuses, and I did it. I feel like I accomplished something today.
Until next Sunday, I'm going to stay off my meds and see how things go. Maybe they're a crutch I don't need anymore.
And making the decision to try and do without them seems like one of the few really adult things I've done in my life thus far.
I've decided to try going a week without the medication I take for my ADD. Or combined ADD/ADHD - one of those, because the designation for what I've got has changed. I was diagnosed with ADD shortly after it was discovered or acknowledged or whatever and a few years before it became the "in" thing it seems to be now. I went through lots of tests and visits to psychiatrists. So, yes, I do have a problem that's more than hype, and I've had to live with it for most of my life.
Understand that I have considered this carefully. More than that, I've been taking some kind of medication or other for the past decade and a half, and while at one time it was difficult to remember to take it, now it has become part of my daily routine. Absent-minded as I am, I almost never forget it. Even when I was taking generic Ritalin or Aderall, both of which gave me headaches and nausea and also made me feel lethargic and disconnected, I knew I had to take my medicine because it would help me get through the day and do what I needed to get done. Pressure from my parents was a big part of it too. My parents could tell when I hadn't taken my medicine, because I behaved differently - further indication, to me, that I needed to take it.
But now I'm wondering if I need it anymore. An adult diagnosed with ADD does need medication, but I've known about my ADD for a very long time and have developed strategies for coping with it. I have managed to make friends, perform well academically, get and hold down a job (admittedly it's only been a few months, but I consider it quite an accomplishment), and keep my house in order. And it wasn't my meds doing that for me, it was me. That's something I never really thought about before.
I think my medicine has become more of a habit and a security blanket than anything else. Now that I will have to pay for it myself (well, I have medical insurance, but I still have to pay for part of it), and now that I can really decide whether or not to take it, I am re-evaluating the issue of whether I need it or not. And, really, I'm beggining to think that I don't. I didn't take it on Sunday or today (on Monday), and I have had no more problems concentrating at work or paying attention to everything else than I usually do. And, strangely, I feel more energetic and motivated to do stuff than I did when I was taking the medicine. I felt like I had to get this or that done now, no excuses, and I did it. I feel like I accomplished something today.
Until next Sunday, I'm going to stay off my meds and see how things go. Maybe they're a crutch I don't need anymore.
And making the decision to try and do without them seems like one of the few really adult things I've done in my life thus far.
