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Little help please?
I'm having an issue with one of my roommates, which was at first just kind of irritating but is now getting stressful. I don't think it's something to move out of the house over (or get myself kicked out over), but I'd like to find a way to deal with it.
I have two roommates: they both moved into the house before I did, they are both law students and they knew each other long before I came on the scene. The one I'm having a problem with arranged the lease and was the one I dealt with when I was making arrangements to live in the house.
I know I'm not a perfect roommate. It took me a while to understand what my responsibilities were with regards to doing housework and taking out the garbage and such, in part because she kind of did these things if no one else did them and because they were never explained to me in the first place - I was just expected to kind of pick them up as I went along, which isn't something I'm great at. I also had to learn my roommate's habits and schedules so that I could be out of their way when they needed to take a shower or something. I understand why they may have found that annoying, but I've been trying my best to do my part and not get in their way. When one of them brings up a problem, I try to fix it.
So I don't think it's fair that this roommate pretty much only talks to me to tell me I'm doing something wrong. It's like living with my mother all over again. Last night, for instance, she got home just after I did: I'd only just walked in the door and was putting my groceries away. She said something I didn't hear and I asked what she'd said. "Just wondering why the window blinds are up and all the lights are on" (they were not 'all on'). I said I'd practically just walked in the door and I didn't get an apology.
My cat, Roo, also has a collar that used to have a bell on it: the bell fell off some time recently, and when I remarked on this, she said that the bell was probably driving Roo crazy anyway. I explained that Roo used to have a habit of hiding and jumping on people (the bell got her to stop that) and she said "torturing" my cat was not a good way to solve the problem. Also, she thought Roo's collar was too tight, although when I checked it I could easily slip a finger under it, which means it should be comfortable. She also said that at one point she tried to take Roo's collar off but Roo tried to bite her (which she does with everyone). But, well, she said, Roo's my cat.
I had to rush off to class so I didn't continue this conversation. I also needed time to process it. But I realized hey - Roo is my cat, and my roommate is not a vet. The vet I took my cat to a few months ago didn't say anything bad about the collar or the bell. This collar-and-bell thing in itself isn't a big issue, but it makes me realize that the constant criticism is, and it's kind of making me nervous around my roommate. It's not as bad as my first roommate in Philadelphia who was a bully, crazy and didn't pay her share of the rent, but it's still bad.
Considering that I am trying to be a good roommate, that I pay my rent on time and that while I may be slow to catch on, I try to behave well when I do, I don't think I deserve to be constantly criticized and treated with condescension. I'm thinking of sending my roommate an e-mail (I express myself better in writing than in person) explaining why her remarks about my cat and the way she made them were inappropriate and why her behavior in general is inappropriate. But I don't want to make it worse or get kicked out of the house. With all the stuff grad school brings with it, I really can't afford to take the time and energy to move (especially since I would be breaking my lease, and other than this issue the house is a good place to live).
Maybe she doesn't realize what she's doing. I'm not really sure. I would like some advice about how to deal with this, because while the situation is tolerable it's not really pleasant. I don't need to be buddies with my roommates, I would just like them to treat me civilly.
I have two roommates: they both moved into the house before I did, they are both law students and they knew each other long before I came on the scene. The one I'm having a problem with arranged the lease and was the one I dealt with when I was making arrangements to live in the house.
I know I'm not a perfect roommate. It took me a while to understand what my responsibilities were with regards to doing housework and taking out the garbage and such, in part because she kind of did these things if no one else did them and because they were never explained to me in the first place - I was just expected to kind of pick them up as I went along, which isn't something I'm great at. I also had to learn my roommate's habits and schedules so that I could be out of their way when they needed to take a shower or something. I understand why they may have found that annoying, but I've been trying my best to do my part and not get in their way. When one of them brings up a problem, I try to fix it.
So I don't think it's fair that this roommate pretty much only talks to me to tell me I'm doing something wrong. It's like living with my mother all over again. Last night, for instance, she got home just after I did: I'd only just walked in the door and was putting my groceries away. She said something I didn't hear and I asked what she'd said. "Just wondering why the window blinds are up and all the lights are on" (they were not 'all on'). I said I'd practically just walked in the door and I didn't get an apology.
My cat, Roo, also has a collar that used to have a bell on it: the bell fell off some time recently, and when I remarked on this, she said that the bell was probably driving Roo crazy anyway. I explained that Roo used to have a habit of hiding and jumping on people (the bell got her to stop that) and she said "torturing" my cat was not a good way to solve the problem. Also, she thought Roo's collar was too tight, although when I checked it I could easily slip a finger under it, which means it should be comfortable. She also said that at one point she tried to take Roo's collar off but Roo tried to bite her (which she does with everyone). But, well, she said, Roo's my cat.
I had to rush off to class so I didn't continue this conversation. I also needed time to process it. But I realized hey - Roo is my cat, and my roommate is not a vet. The vet I took my cat to a few months ago didn't say anything bad about the collar or the bell. This collar-and-bell thing in itself isn't a big issue, but it makes me realize that the constant criticism is, and it's kind of making me nervous around my roommate. It's not as bad as my first roommate in Philadelphia who was a bully, crazy and didn't pay her share of the rent, but it's still bad.
Considering that I am trying to be a good roommate, that I pay my rent on time and that while I may be slow to catch on, I try to behave well when I do, I don't think I deserve to be constantly criticized and treated with condescension. I'm thinking of sending my roommate an e-mail (I express myself better in writing than in person) explaining why her remarks about my cat and the way she made them were inappropriate and why her behavior in general is inappropriate. But I don't want to make it worse or get kicked out of the house. With all the stuff grad school brings with it, I really can't afford to take the time and energy to move (especially since I would be breaking my lease, and other than this issue the house is a good place to live).
Maybe she doesn't realize what she's doing. I'm not really sure. I would like some advice about how to deal with this, because while the situation is tolerable it's not really pleasant. I don't need to be buddies with my roommates, I would just like them to treat me civilly.
no subject
And really, moving out is a very last option. Not only would it be hard to find a new place, but I couldn't get all my stuff out of there without a truck and some assistance (when I moved in, it was the family minivan and my father and brother helping).
My roommate is also a New Yorker (so am I, but I somehow grew up with a Midwest attitude) and of course a law student, so maybe that's just how she talks. And she's not anywhere near as bad as my first roommate.
*sigh* When I get my degree and a good job where I make lots of money, I am never sharing a house or apartment with anyone ever again, unless they are my SO.
no subject
I think that's a good strategy, and a perfectly reasonable request to make of somebody.
My roommate is also a New Yorker
Oh, dear. You have my sympathy.
I am never sharing a house or apartment with anyone ever again,
I hear ya! I took an extra job during grad school so I could afford to live by myself. It was totally worth it.
no subject