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miss_yt ([personal profile] miss_yt) wrote2006-03-31 09:08 am
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A Helpful List

A friend of mine recently expressed her fear of questions along the lines of "Do you go to church?" "Do you have a boyfriend?" "Do you have kids?" She lives in an area where she gets those kinds of questions (mostly from women) a lot, and she is afraid of being judged because she doesn't give the "correct" answers.

So, as a public service, I drew up a list of possible answers to these questions, the aim of which is to make the interrogator sorry they ever asked. Pick the ones you like or make up your own!

1. "You go to church, don't you?"

a) "No, because I think God is the product of a kind of mass psychosis."
b) "No, but on nights when the moon is full I go into the woods with my coven and we dance skyclad to celebrate the Mother Goddess."
c) "Yes, but only at midnight to hold Black Mass."


2. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

a) "Yes. We're going to get married when he gets out of prison."
b) "Yes, and I have a girlfriend too!"
c) "I don't need a boyfriend. I have a perfectly good vibrator."


3. "You got kids?"

a) Look like you're on the verge of breaking into tears and say, "I'm not able to have kids."
b) "My partner and I are trying to adopt."
c) "If the cloning experiment works, then I will soon!"
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[identity profile] hughcasey.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 02:18 pm (UTC)(link)
2. "Do you have a boyfriend?"
(snip)
b) "Yes, and I have a girlfriend too!"


LMAO! I would pay cash money to see the reaction to that!

[identity profile] scifantasy.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 02:33 pm (UTC)(link)
1. "You go to church, don't you?"

You and I have a dodge on that one: "I go to shul on occasion..."

Throw in some Karl Marx: "Religion is the opiate of the masses."

(Or maybe some Groucho: "I wouldn't belong to any church that would have me as a parishoner.")

[identity profile] silmaril.livejournal.com 2006-03-31 03:40 pm (UTC)(link)
I think I like 3a) best---might possibly jerk that sort of busybody out of busybodying for a while.

[identity profile] alashiya.livejournal.com 2006-04-01 06:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Stick with her--with that attitude towards innocent attempts to make conversation, you're probably the only friend the poor soul has.

[identity profile] alashiya.livejournal.com 2006-04-01 06:48 pm (UTC)(link)
P.S. Also, her answers are not particularly snappy. "Yes, and we're getting married when he gets out of prison," for example, is perfectly realistic, and if she said it to me I would reply, "Congratulations! I certainly hope things work out and you get off to a great new start!" And around here (for some reason we're a big draw for neo-pagans) I would not be surprised at hearing the "Mother Goddess" comment either, and would reply "How nice for you." As I would to most of the others, which are not only unimaginative but in poor taste, and my standard reply to sexual revelations from anybody who's not lying naked in bed beside me is "How nice for you," as anybody who's not lying naked in bed beside me doesn't know me well enough to tell me things like that anyway. ("How nice for you" is an excellent all-purpose reply to almost anything.)

[identity profile] alashiya.livejournal.com 2006-04-01 09:01 pm (UTC)(link)
P.P.S. What is shul? I shul do want to know. Hee hee hee hee hee hee. Seriously, what is it? I tried to look it up but it's not in our dictionary.
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